My boyfriend only admitted to having sex with his ex after she trashed our flat
DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend only admitted to sleeping with his ex after she vandalised our flat.
I thought we had been burgled and was about to call police - but he stopped me. Only then did I notice there was no sign of a break-in.
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We both work for an animal charity and were in other relationships. But when he moved over to my section, in dog training, we had so much in common and started having lunch together.
One afternoon, I was bitten by a dog so my colleague ran me to the hospital to get it checked out. I was still upset when I came out so he gave me a huge hug and then kissed me.
He’s 25 and I’m 22. He made me feel amazing and texted later saying we had something special.
Within a week we ended our respective relationships, and two months later I moved in with him.
Soon after, my grandmother became really ill so I drove up for the weekend to see her.
When I got back, my boyfriend admitted his ex, who is 20, had been over to collect her belongings. He was babbling about why she had come over, so I said, “Did anything happen?” and he said, “Of course not.”
He was distant with me the following week, although I brushed it off.
But a few days later when we came home from work we found the front door wide open — and inside was carnage.
Pictures were smashed, cushions were all over the floor and cereal had been emptied everywhere. In the bedroom, the duvet and pillows were slashed.
I was about to call the police when my boyfriend stopped me, saying he knew who had done it.
Finally he admitted he and his ex did have sex when she had been over. He said she still had a key.
He had then told her he wanted to stay with me and the wreckage was her revenge.
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I have moved out to my sister’s for some thinking space, but I still love him and want to go back.
Am I a mug? Have I a right to be upset?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Yes, of course. It may be early days for you but you’ve moved in together.
This woman clearly still felt she had a hold over him and when they slept together, she thought she had a chance.
He needs to apologise and ask for forgiveness. If he sees his future with you, he must prove himself to you by severing all ties with her and changing the locks to the home you share.
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He also needs to tell her that if she ever enters your home again without permission, you will involve the police.
My support pack, Cheating, will help you. But watch him carefully. If he gives you any reason to feel she is back in his life, walk away.